wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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