It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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