I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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