apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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