He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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