sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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