he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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