In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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