I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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