I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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