Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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