My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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