I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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