I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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