By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in the fireplace
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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