I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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