Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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