Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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