Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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