This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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