I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize