I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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