Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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