So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can text with my tongue
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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