I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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