You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize