you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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