I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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