You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize