...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize