I could have mohawked her pubes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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