Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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