i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
PANTIES FOUND
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