he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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