woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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