____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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