I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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