your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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