If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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