Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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