Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
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I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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