Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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