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OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Randomize
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