my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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