I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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