Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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