i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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