do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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