so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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