When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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